This is a story of how I changed my friendship for the better. This person is not my romantic partner but he is a specific person nonetheless. Therefore, all the techniques that I mention in this post can be used to change your relationship with your romantic interest as well.
Let me start off by saying that my friendship with this guy started when we got into a fight. We used to play the same video game together. He was in one alliance, I was in another. His alliance fell apart so he joined mine. My only experience with him up to that point was seeing him insulting people and calling them noobs whenever he would beat them. At the time, I didn’t know that everybody is me pushed out, so I didn’t know that seeing all the “strong players” as people who are insulting and rude to other players created this.
One day, I’ve had enough. He was insulting somebody yet again and I asked him to shut up. Crazily enough, he stopped. I don’t really remember where it came from but I had this immense sense of authority when I asked him that. He had no choice but to stop and bend to my will. Again, I didn’t know what I was doing in that moment.
We started talking almost every day. We would joke around and I realized how funny he actually is. Although I am not proud to admit this, I don’t think I ever valued our friendship enough. We were just internet friends at that point, after all. Of course, I cared about him, but there was always this nagging feeling of “I don’t know if I can trust him” at the back of my mind because I have seen him acting completely different when talking to others.
Our conversations would usually start off great but with time they would turn into fights. Sometimes we’d fight so much other people had to intervene and tell us to calm down. Because of this, whenever we started talking, I just accepted that it’s going to end up with us fighting. I started seeing him as a person who thinks it’s okay to joke on other people’s expense but as soon as somebody started joking on his expense, he would go crazy.
He had no choice but to play that role. I assigned him with it. It became a habit of mine to just expect that it will go downhill before the end of the conversation, one way or another. I was caught in the cycle of recreating this same issue. It would have been so much easier if I knew about Neville back then! But, I didn’t…
One day we got in such a huge fight, we ended up ending contact. I blocked his number. He blocked mine. We didn’t speak for months. During that time, he would sometimes provoke me or even insult me in the video game we used to play together. I did my best to ignore it but still… It wasn’t enough. I was ignoring his words but I was also expecting him to insult me and be rude to me.
I don’t want this to discourage you. Often times we tell you to just ignore the negative situation that you have gotten yourself into. That’s the way to go about it but if you are only ignoring it on the outside, it’s not going to change. This is where mental diet comes into play. You see, I was ignoring what he was doing on the outside, yet I was still keeping him in the same state in my mind – the state of being a douche. I would argue with him mentally whenever I saw his name pop up.
Thinking back at it, it sounds so funny to me now. What was I doing? I was so invested in arguing with this person that I completely ignored everything good he’s done for me.
And you know what? He did do nice things for me. I always had this belief that all of my friends are very loyal to me, and so he was incredibly loyal to me before that fight. One of the nicest things he had done for me was to get my boyfriend and me to stop fighting when we got into this huge fight once.
Instead of focusing on things like that, I was focusing on all the negative things I have seen him do in the past. If only I knew it was me who was creating these situations…
A few months went by and we haven’t spoken a word. But, I found out about Neville. I decided to experiment with it. He was the first person I ever used this on. After complaining about what kind of a douche he is, I finally had enough and decided to flip my thoughts.
We started talking again. He needed help with something so he reached out to me. He had done this a couple of times in the past already, when he needed an advice “from a girl”, if you know what I mean. It was the easiest way for me to see us getting along again.
Besides this, I started flipping my thoughts around. It wasn’t always easy, I will admit that. In the beginning, I would find myself still arguing with him mentally. I always had to stop myself. It was exactly the way Neville describes it… “It’s such a pleasant thing to tell him off.” But if you want to change things, you can’t tell him off, not even in your imagination. If you know your imagination creates reality, you can’t do these things because you know they will manifest into your reality.
A few weeks went by. We were talking almost every day again. I didn’t even notice how much he had changed in the meantime. He was more open, communicative, not insulting anybody and he was in a good mood all the time. He started completely reflecting my new inner conversations.
“Oh, he is so annoyi…. NO, he is a great person with a great sense of humor.”
“Ugh, he is gonna start an argum…. NO, he can take a joke. Of course he can take a joke, he loves jokes.”
“It’s only a matter of time before he starts insult…. NO, he is a nice person.”
That was all it took. I didn’t have to do SATS, I didn’t spend my days thinking about him and what a good person he is now. All I did was flip my thoughts whenever something negative would come up.
We share a great friendship, even to this day. It’s been a bumpy ride but once you stop putting them in the state that brings up drama and negativity, you start seeing changes almost immediately. You probably even won’t notice it right away. If you are constantly looking for it, it means you are not living in the end. So, just flip your thoughts and then let it go. Believe. The things will change. Sooner rather than later.
You can do this with any person in your life. I have changed my relationship with my mother pretty much the same way. It doesn’t take much. It doesn’t take long either. But the results of a mental diet will return to you in the loveliest ways possible. Don’t stop there. When you notice the changes, don’t go back to arguing with them mentally. Don’t go back to thinking how annoying and rude they are. Keep up the mental diet.